


The House That Derek Built

by Celty_Things



Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-23
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2020-01-24 09:51:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18568948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celty_Things/pseuds/Celty_Things
Summary: Mark slept with Addison because he loved her, and when she left for Seattle, his first instinct was to go after her, even if that meant the inevitable reunion between him and his former best friend Dr. Derek Shepherd. But that didn't intimidate him. Nothing about seeing either one of them rattled him in the least. He'd arrive in Seattle, get Addison back, and leave before Derek's ego caused any collateral damage.Mark Sloan had everything figured out.Everything but his own feelings.





	The House That Derek Built

It was raining that night. 

It was raining when Addison kissed him. 

It was raining when he didn't hear the front door open. 

It was raining when he didn't hear Derek storm up the stairs. 

It poured when he definitely heard the bedroom door slam open. 

It poured when Derek punched him. 

It poured when Derek screamed at him. 

It stormed when Derek said he hated him.

It stormed when Derek said he never wanted to see him again. 

It stormed when Derek looked at him like that, with pure malice burning in his eyes. 

On his way home, he felt surprisingly numb, despite the rain. 

He thought he'd at least feel something. 

Maybe sadness, at the loss of his best friend. 

Perhaps happiness because a woman he'd pined after for years had finally noticed him. 

He thought he'd at least feel regret. 

He had lost everything. 

Everything but his career and arguably that was more important than any one person in his life. After any breakup or fight, he was still the best plastic surgeon on the east coast. He was still Mark Sloan. This didn't change that. Nothing could.

* * *

**SIX MONTHS LATER**

In Seattle it always rained. It was always like that night. It was always dark and dismal, with nothing good to show for it.  _Feels like crap._

The chief was happy to see him.  _Feels like crap._

Addison wouldn't look at him.  _Feels like crap._

Derek could've damaged his precious neurosurgeon fingers with the way he threw that punch.  _That's funny._  

Derek still looked completely hateful.  _Hilarious, even._

It made Mark smile. It was the only thing that hadn't changed. Addison could still be angry and Seattle could be wet and miserable all it wanted to. But Derek was just as pissed today as he had been half a year ago.  _It's definitely hilarious._

Maybe Seattle would grow on him. 

Maybe. 

Just maybe. 

Maybe this time all of the other change could grow on him, so long as something stayed the same. 

* * *

  **THREE MONTHS LATER**

"What are you so cheery for?" The air between Mark and Derek had calmed since Addison had left for LA. It was almost like they were friends again. Granted, the only conversations they really shared were in elevators, which Mark soon learned was a hotspot for confrontations or make out sessions. The  _elevators,_ of all things. "You're smiling. It's not very Mark. It's more... It's more disturbing, actually. What's wrong with you?" 

Mark couldn't help but smile even more at his friend's sour attitude. "You'd frown on a man's happiness?" 

"It's not that..." Derek frowned. "You- You're weirdly happy. You look like you've killed someone. Who-" He narrowed his eyes, leaning in a little. "What's going on?" 

 _It's always something with him. I always have to have a reason. I'm a terrible person- a bitch, a whore, so if I'm happy that must mean I have done some terrible thing. I wonder if I'm missing anything._ Mark took a sip of coffee, trying to not to laugh. "I'm in a good mood Derek." He pat his friend's back and almost as if on cue, the elevator doors swung open. "Last I checked, such a thing was allowed... You're not the emotion police, Shepherd." He winked. "May I suggest transferring to psych if you feel the sudden need to analyze people?" 

"Shut up." 

"Make me, Shepherd." 

Mark didn't know why it took months of being alone to realize that he was, in fact, alone. Addison didn't want anything to do with him. She slept with Karev, of all people. And it's not like he could go back to New York. Sure, he had made a name for himself there, but the only friends he made were the ones he had driven away. Addison was in LA. Mark hated LA. He also hated her gabby shrink friends.

But Derek was here, in Seattle. 

So why did Mark still feel alone? Even during those nights with the nurses or Callie, that hole in his chest still felt ever present. 

 _What's wrong with me?_ He'd ask himself sometimes.  _Did I love her that much? Did she really do this to me? Addison? She couldn't have. I knew it wouldn't work out. I knew._

Sometimes he'd act like such an ass. He was such a whore- a  _whore._ Why? Why was he like that? Why did he feel the need to sleep with every scrub nurse and female resident in the hospital? 

 _"It's not healthy, Mark."_ He could hear Addison's voice.  _"The whole man-whore thing... You need a hobby that won't give you an STD."_

 _Addison..._ Even when she was hundred's of miles away, his ex was still berating him. 

Why was she the one haunting him, anyway? He's not the one who slept with an intern. He's not the one who cheated on their husband. 

_But you are the guy who screwed his best friend's wife._

_It serves you right._

_Man-Whore._

There were points in time where he and Derek's conversation almost felt like the old days. But most of the time it was just awkward small talk. Hopeful smiles from Mark and cold stares from Derek. That's all it would be for a while. Mark knew that. It was his fault and he was willing to pay the price for it. He knew he'd get his best friend back. What he didn't know is if things would be the same once everything settled down. 

  _Whatever._

_Whatever happens, happens._

And what Mark knew for certain was that no matter what happened, he'd be there.

As a friend. 

Derek's friend. 

* * *

Derek Shepherd was standing in the scrub room, washing his hands and looking flustered and grumpy. Sloan tried not to act too much like he noticed, but it was difficult, since he was used to being honest around Derek. 

 _Screw it._ "I really am up for a drink, you know?" He casually brought up the subject of going to the bar that he heard Derek and Bailey talking about earlier. "If you, uh.... need to talk."  _I'm bad at this._

The neurosurgeon rolled his eyes. "What would I need to talk about?" 

"Meredith." Mark thought this was obvious. That resident had plagued Derek's life for over a year. "You were lucky, man. That girl jerked you around."  _Too much?_

"You have no idea what you're talking about." Derek snapped. 

 _Too much._ Mark should have known when to tease and when not to tease at this point. "Hey, I'm just...."  _Be genuine, man. Show him you're actually concerned. Be there for him._ "It seems like you could use a friend right about now."  _A friend. That used to be me._

Derek didn't want to hear another word. He lashed out and other than saving lives, that was definitely his specialty- getting pissed off, even for no good reason. Mark wanted to believe that now, after everything, Derek didn't have a reason to be pissed, but of course he did. It was Meredith. It was always Meredith. Derek loved her. And any time anyone tried to give him advice regarding the first year resident, he'd blow up and then shut everyone out. He was stubborn and that pissed Mark off to no end.

Actually, what bothered Mark more than Derek's own stupid pride was his inability to simply ignore it and just move on with his own life. 

But he couldn't. 

Meredith was destroying him- tearing his heart open and crushing it over and over again, leaving Derek crippled each time. Even when she wasn't around, she still was, if that even made any sense. 

"I'm the one that could use a friend." Mark didn't know why he said it. Maybe it was just because he wanted Derek to look at him without judgement. Maybe it was because Mark just wanted attention. He had not idea, but it certainly caused his old friend to stop in his tracks and turn around with a confused yet inquisitive expression scanning Mark. "I said that you could use a friend. I could use a friend." 

Derek sighed. "Look, Mark-" 

"No."  _No._ _You don't get to argue with me._ _Not this time._ _Not while you're like this- all pissy and irritable for no good reason._ "I didn't come for Seattle for Addison." Mark wasn't even sure if it was true.  _Probably, since the whole thing with Addison went to hell. Why else am I still in this sad little hospital if it's not for him?_ "I didn't come to Seattle to be chief. I came to Seattle for you, okay?"  _Oh, God. This is sounding more and more like a love confession by the second. Wind it down._ "I came to Seattle to get you back." 

.

.

_Yikes._

.

.

Derek was laughing at him.

With his eyes. 

And that tilted, half cocked signature McDreamy smirk.  _When did I ever call him McDreamy? Is this place taking a toll on me?_ Mark glared at Derek.  _And what are you looking at? Don't laugh at me._ Mark laughed nervously and tried to ignore how hot the room had suddenly gotten. "I know. I want to take it back now, but I've already said it, so...." 

Derek's smile widened and for a brief moment the hostility disappeared and his blue eyes warmed up a little. "Maybe we should have a drink." 

 _A drink... He remembered that- He remembered that I wanted to get a drink with him?_ "We could." 

"Yeah." In another instant, the hostility returned. Derek shook his head. "Not today." 

.

.

Mark should have walked it off. He would have. Maybe at some other point in the day or in his life, he would have. 

But he couldn't.

Derek stormed off. It was a childish display of anger. In a better situation, Sloan would have laughed at him, but now he couldn't ignore that pain in his chest. That pain as his former best friend gave him the cold shoulder once more. After that, he wasn't sure if Derek would speak to him for a while. Maybe that had been enough kindness for several days or even weeks. 

_I deserve it._

_I deserve it._

They didn't share honest words like that very often- not since the whole Addison debacle. 

"What's wrong with the chief?" Another pointless attempt at small talk at the O.R. Board. 

"He's a junkie." Derek chuckled. 

"Him?" Mark raised an eyebrow. "You're the one who's all strung out." He hoped that Derek wouldn't catch the genuine nature in Mark's tone. 

Derek shrugged and rubbed his face. "I'm just tired." 

Mark scoffed. "Let me guess. You and Meredith are back together,"  _No surprise there._ "-and you've been up all night doing the horizontal salsa." 

That got a laugh out of him. "Mambo. Horizontal mambo. And Meredith and I, we're just friends." 

 _Yeah, right._ As much as Mark hoped that Derek had finally managed to pull himself out of that never ending and torturous relationship, it seemed like it would never end and it probably would never end. "Sexy friends?" 

Mark was expecting hostility- maybe even a roll of the eyes, but Derek's bright manner didn't fade. "You're like the worst, most juvenile human being I've ever met in my life." 

 _Look who's talking._ "You know the first step to recovery is admitting that you have a problem?" 

"How many nurses have you slept with this week?" 

.

.

That comment should not have struck a nerve. 

There was no reason for it to. 

It was accurate. 

It was a good comeback. 

But that hole- 

.

.

It hurt. 

It shouldn't have. 

But it did. Despite the pain, Mark just smiled and winked. "That's not a problem, man. That's an adventure." 

After that point, even the small talk was odd. Every little comment Derek made, Mark took seriously. He took it to heart, which he never used to do. 

It didn't matter why. It would fade. As soon as things went back to normal, it would fade. 

_Damn that cardiothoracic surgeon- that she-devil. If it weren't for her- those things she said- it would have passed. I would never have known._

After Burke left, Erica Hahn took his place, and both Mark and Derek wanted to make a good impression. 

"You ever heard of a gentleman's evening?" Mark shed a sly smiled directed at Seattle Grace's new head of Cardiothoracic Surgery. 

Erica frowned. "I'm sorry?" 

"The chief is hosting a gentleman's evening." Derek explained. 

"We're pretty sure it doesn't involve porn," As usual, Sloan was only egging on the annoyed look on Hahn's face. "-but, you know, we wanted to be sure."

Hahn's annoyance dissipated. She smirked, pointing at Derek and then Mark and then and Derek again. "Are you two... a couple?" 

.

.

_What?_

_Why would she- I'm not- Me and Shepherd are buddies. We were. And then we had problems. And now we're buddies again._

_Couple._

_Do we really look like a couple? Is that something people think? Is it just Hahn? Are other people talking? Shit, is the chief- is that why- this gentleman's evening thing..._

_"N-No!"_  It came out more quickly and flustered than Mark meant.  _Why is my heart- Why am I so hot? The hole- The hole-_

The huge, gaping hope in Mark's chest suddenly felt a little smaller. 

But he didn't feel any better. 

He just had more questions. 

"Why would she ask that?" Derek inquired as they walked away from Hahn. 

 _I don't know. I don't know. I don't know._ "I don't know."  _I know. I know. I don't want to know, but-_ "I'm worried about this gentleman's evening thing." 

.

.

_Am I in love with my best friend?_

 

In response, heat flushed to his cheeks and he felt a little faint. 

_Shit._

_Oh, shit._

_I am._

_I'm in love with my best friend._

_I'm in love with Derek._

_._

_._

_Oh, shit._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are appreciated!


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